So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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