Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
