so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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