in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I believe in your delicious
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
