these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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