it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
