I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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