youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
