I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
