Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
