The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sorry my hands just texted you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
