Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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