Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
