no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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