I'm going to jail i love you
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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