so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
