It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
