I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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