It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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