if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
