Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize