hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
