Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
