I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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