please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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