My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
