i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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