i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
