i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
