So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
