What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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