my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
