ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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