I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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