Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
