Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
what day is it and did you see me today?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
