Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize