There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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