Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
