people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
