i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
