So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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