Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
