This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
