So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
