It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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