Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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