My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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