Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
