I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
