this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
