He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
