Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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