Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
