yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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