i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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