All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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