I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
