Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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