Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
