Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
